


Die Knowing Your Life Was My Life's Best Part

by Itneveroccurredtomeatall



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Character Death, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Vormir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18995374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itneveroccurredtomeatall/pseuds/Itneveroccurredtomeatall
Summary: SPOILERS FOR AVENGERS: ENDGAMEBucky’s heart plummets at those words. A soul for a soul. That means….He looks over and he can tell by the grim expression on Steve’s face that he has come to the same conclusion. It’s horrible and unthinkable and-“It’s gotta be me,” Bucky says immediately, without a second thought.





	Die Knowing Your Life Was My Life's Best Part

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Sebastian Stan's comments about what might have happened on Vormir. (And now that I've reread this, I realize that it doesn't actually follow what Sebastian said, so I guess I'll have to write another one that's more accurate to his words :) ) 
> 
> In this, Bucky was not in the half of the population that disappeared and when they all split up, Steve and Bucky ended up going to Vormir. 
> 
> The title is from Keaton Henson's "You" which is a beautiful song by an amazing artist!

 

Bucky’s heart plummets at those words. A soul for a soul. That means….

He looks over and he can tell by the grim expression on Steve’s face that he has come to the same conclusion. It’s horrible and unthinkable and-

“It’s gotta be me,” Bucky says immediately, without a second thought.

It’s instinctual, really. Steve has always come first. He will always come first. That instinct to protect Steve, to make him happy, had been passed from Sarah Rogers to Bucky Barnes many years ago. He’s already failed so many times; he’ll be damned if he fails again.

“No, Buck,” Steve replies quietly. “It really doesn’t.”

Bucky shakes his head. “You’re it for me, Steve,” he says quietly. “You’ve always been… everything. Back in Brooklyn, in the war, ever since I started remembering things again, you’re all that matters to me. I don’t have much to go back to. All I ever really had was you.”

It’s selfish, Bucky knows, so he’d never say it aloud. Least of all to Steve, who’s driven by something so incomprehensibly damn _good_. But if getting this stone and reversing the snap means sacrificing Steve, he won’t do it. It’s _not_ an option.

And there’s an ugly thought. He has the power to save the world and he refuses to do it if it means Steve going over that edge. What kind of person is he?

“Don’t be an idiot,” Steve protests earnestly. “You’ve got Sam. You’ve got Nat, Clint, Shuri, Wanda. Even Tony’s coming around.”

“Yeah, and so do you,” Bucky replies. “You’ve got all of them and you’ve got all of America and half of the rest of the world counting on you, Steve. They’re not ready to lose you. I can’t lose you like this.”

“And I can’t lose you again, Bucky!” Steve insists. “I can’t go back to a world without you. I only just got you back.”

“I don’t even deserve-”

“Don’t you fucking start!” Steve interrupts fiercely. “You didn’t deserve anything they did to you. You don’t deserve the guilt you feel for the things you did; you couldn’t control yourself. It wasn’t your fault and you need to know that. I’ll tell you what you deserve: You deserve the world, Bucky. ”

And then Steve shoves him backwards.

It takes Bucky by surprise and he falls to the ground. But he’s up instantly and running after Steve.

“You fucking punk!” Bucky shouts as he hurls himself after Steve.

He catches Steve around the waist in a tackle and they crash to the ground in a pile of tangled limbs.

They fight messily.There’s no art; it’s brutal. It’s pure desperation on both sides. Out of all the fights Bucky’s ever been in, he’s sure this is the one that matters the most. He has to win; he doesn’t know what he’ll do it he doesn’t. And Steve is resisting with everything he’s got. Steve’s always been a fighter, even when he had no chance at winning any fights. Even now, when he’s got the training and the body, Steve still fights like that skinny kid in the alleys of Brooklyn; he’s fierce and determined and ready to fight until the bitter end.

There are a few moments where Bucky’s sure they’ll just roll over the edge in the scuffle. And wouldn’t that be a shame? Or maybe not. It might beat the alternative. He can’t bear to watch Steve fall to his death.

“Bucky, stop,” Steve orders once he has the upper hand. He’s straddling Bucky’s chest and is holding down Bucky’s metal arm with his hand. “Please. Please, stop.”

And then Steve lifts himself off Bucky and offers him his hand.

Bucky, who can count the number of times Steve has backed down from a fight on one hand, is in awe. He takes Steve’s hand and allows himself to be hoisted to his feet.

They stare at each other for a long moment, their hands still intertwined as they regain their breath.

Steve’s eyes are gentle and calm. Bucky’s sure his own must be full of terror.

“It’s okay, Buck,” Steve assures him. Despite everything, his voice is steady. “Please, you have to let me go. It’s the only way.”

Bucky’s numb. They can’t damn half the universe to save one man. Well, Bucky can and Steve can’t. And Bucky has always given into whatever Steve wanted. Now is no different.

So he finds himself nodding. It’s the only way. It’ll break his heart, but it’s what Steve wants.

Steve immediately envelopes him in a tight hug. He remembers when Steve’s breath used to sound shallow and frail after the slightest amount of exertion. But now, Steve’s breathing is steady and Bucky can feel his strong, steady heartbeat.

“Close your eyes, Buck,” Steve says quietly.

And Bucky does. He concentrates on the feel of Steve’s hand in his own, the warm embrace, and Steve’s breath on his neck. He tries to ingrain the sensation of being surrounded by Steve into his mind. He doesn’t want to ever forget that feeling. They’re halfway across the universe and he still feels like he’s at home.  

“It’s going to be okay. I love you, Buck,” Steve whispers in his ear.

Then the warmth is gone and Steve’s hand escapes Bucky’s grasp.

Bucky falls to his knees. He grasps handfuls of hair in his fists and squeezes his eyes shut even tighter, but the tears still manage to leak out.

And then he’s sitting up in a shallow pool of water. It’s quiet and much warmer than the mountain top. There’s a warm tinge to the landscape and he feels like he’s weightless. It’s almost nice.

But then he sees the stone clutched in his fist. The fucking stone that Steve gave his life for and Bucky hates it. He wants to crush it to tiny pieces in his fist. He wants to throw it as far as he can and pray that Steve comes back. But he can’t.

Steve gave his life for the stone and Bucky’s going to make sure that the world is set right. He has to. 


End file.
